Category: Trust

Removing the charge from polarities

4/11/2018

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

- Rumi

Holding on / Letting go
Is one better than the other?

Masculine / Feminine
What are your judgments of these?

Expanding / Contracting
Do you value one over the other?

If you have a preference, it's simply an interesting point of view. Perhaps it's what you need in this moment, and tomorrow your point of view may change.

There is no inherent better than or less than, right or wrong. All of these are simply aspects of life - when these aspects are balanced, life will flow with greater ease. Sometimes it will feel good let go. Sometimes it’s wise to hold on. Sometimes I want to embody the masculine / yang qualities of being active, direct, and extroverted. Sometimes it would benefit me more to surrender, be receptive and flowing - embodying more yin or feminine qualities of life.

In Polarity Two-chair, we pendulate from one to the other, taking time to notice what we feel in the body. When we have a preference around something such as holding on or letting go, it creates a positive or negative charge around it. With a few pendulations, the initial charge dissipates, and we feel more neutral, or balanced.

When there’s less charge and no point of view, we have more space for choice. The body and mind are more at ease. When the voice of judgments and societal expectations are neutralized, it's easier to find clarity and trust within. Intuition becomes more apparent. Decision-making becomes easier. The flow state is more accessible.

Are you willing to slow down, notice what your judgments are, feel them in the body and surrender to change? I've personally committed to a two-chair practice for myself every day as long as it serves me. It is something you can do on your own, and at times it helps to have a guide to facilitate deeper change. Call me if you'd like some guidance: (720)432-3032, or schedule a coaching session online.

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Quality control - trustworthy touch

4/4/2018

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“Your quality of touch is different - I feel relaxed with it. I’m not reacting defensively like I sometimes do...
My body is open to it.”

I wonder how the world would be if we all knew how to touch and be touched with ease and grace?

This is what I strive for in every session - to contact the recipient in a way that has them relaxed and receptive. Why is this important? When the body reacts defensively by tensing or contracting against contact, or when anxiety builds up in response to it, the body is reacting more to the therapist instead of relaxing into it’s natural healing processes. I could create more tension for you, which could also get worked out during the session, but you’re probably coming to me to release tension you had before seeing me, not to create more tension to work through. Have you ever had a massage that left you feeling more tense? Let’s not do that, ok?

So what contributes to a quality of touch that instills trust and allows for the most easeful healing?

Presence
Awareness
Neutrality
Deep listening
Self-trust
Embodiment

The first two skills that are taught in the Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy training - ones that are repeatedly emphasized throughout the program because of their importance, are the skill of being and the skill of relationship. The skill of being pertains to the state of the therapist. As I begin a session, do I feel grounded, centered and neutral? Am I relaxed, present and aware of my state, or am I nervous or biased in some way? This will affect how the recipient responds, whether they’re conscious of it or not - on some level, their body will be aware of my state, even if their mind is not.

The second skill is the one of relationship (the basic definition of “relationship” is “a connection” - I’m not referring to a romantic relationship in this instance). In this connection, what kind of contact would feel most easeful or welcome by the recipient? How much space would they like and what kind of pressure feels most easeful? Sometimes there’s a wide range of contact styles - light strokes, heavy compressions, etc. - that feel comfortable for the body. Sometimes the recipient will be very specific - they may want very light, still touch and a wide focus from the therapist.

To get a sense of different focus styles, imagine gazing out at the vast expanse of the ocean horizon. Notice how that feels in your body. Then imagine you’re examining something very specific through a microscope, and notice what you feel in your body with that image - two different modes of focus. Considering the body, I could have a wide focus by opening my awareness to the whole body, including the space around the body. Or I could have a narrow focus by zooming in to one little point, like a vertebra in the neck. Again, the recipient’s body feels the difference, whether or not the mind is aware of it. The book Open Focus Brain, by Les Fehmi and Jim Robbins, is a good resource for developing relaxed, open focus.

These “skills” can be applied to any experience in life where you’re interacting with another being. If you want to create the greatest ease in connections (relationships), and minimize reactive defenses, try working on the skills of being and the skills of relationship.

Skills of being:
Feeling grounded, centered, and neutral

This is a state of being present with self-awareness, mindfulness and allowance of what wants to happen - having a sense of equanimity. Perhaps we notice biases, judgements or habitual patterns come up. These are normal, so rather than judging the judgements, see if they’ll disappear if you ask them to, rather than hooking on to them. The level of neutrality you can hold may vary, depending on who you’re interacting with. Feeling some appreciation or loving kindness for yourself may help. Another way some people access neutrality is simply to look around the room and label (in their mind) what they see - i.e. I see a green wall, white lamp, brown wood door, etc.

In a grounded, centered, neutral state, the person you’re interacting with is least likely to react because there isn’t something to hook onto, positive or negative, and because you’re present with them. If you’re distracted, it’s more likely to create some interruption of the connection.

Skills of relationship, or connection:
Comfortable proximity and contact

This includes awareness of the energetic space (wide vs. narrow focus, for example), and awareness of the type of contact desired. In the context of a therapeutic bodywork session, I’m offering massage, craniosacral therapy or other touch therapy to someone laying on a table, so I’m trained and comfortable offering different types of touch. If you’re offering someone massage, considering the skill of relationship, notice what feels good to you and the person you’re touching. If you’re unsure or if you want to encourage verbal feedback, ask how the contact is. If you trust your intuition, they appear clearly at ease, you feel relaxed and connected to them, and you trust them to speak up if something is uncomfortable, then it may not be necessary to talk about the contact. And that may change tomorrow… each day is different.

What have you found to be helpful in establishing comfort and trust with touch? I’m curious to hear your stories - what has you feel relaxed and what hasn’t worked for you in bodywork sessions?

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Removing the charge from polarities

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

- Rumi

Quality control - trustworthy touch

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Removing the charge from polarities

​“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes.If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed.Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”​- Rumi

Quality control - trustworthy touch

Author

Archives

Categories

Currently reading

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

- Rumi