How to touch someone with finesse, skill and attunement in a way that is unattached to outcome, listening to both your needs and theirs, following the flow of what wants to happen... It's an art.
On one level, it's super simple to touch someone - you just do it.
However, we're complex creatures.
I'll speak for myself...
I want to be attuned to, deeply heard and seen. I want the person touching me to release what they think they know and to actually listen to my body, my energy, my words, my breath, my soul AND theirs. If they are not aware of what's happening for them and they're focused solely on me, something is missing.
What is attunement?
Speak to me, make contact with me in a way that has my body, mind and energy soften and clarify in your presence. When we are attuned, my body trusts your touch the moment you come into contact with me, and where you come into contact with me is not necessarily physical touch first. Here in this moment as you're reading, you are coming in to contact with my words, my thoughts, my energy field. The energy field spans distances and time.
Attunement is finding resonance where your body and mine meet. It's finding harmony between us.
Attunement is how a mother knows exactly what her baby requires, and giving it to them in a way that they can fully receive it. Attunement is not assuming you know what someone else needs based on past experiences, but being present with the being you are with in the moment, who may be different than how they showed up 10 seconds ago.
A guitar will need different tuning in dry and humid conditions. A living human is far more complex than a guitar. They may desire completely different contact now than you gave them 2 days ago, or different than you would like to receive yourself.
HOW do we attune to our partners?
First, know yourself. Become so purely present with yourself in this moment.
As I type this now, I feel tingly in the back of my head, tension in my jaw and teeth, distrust of people who may read this (I have a story that the more strangers know about me, the more they'll take advantage of me, in a way that takes and doesn't give), awareness of sounds around me - the dryer running, neighbors upstairs - my sleepy eyes, the ticking clock, the habit of my energy coming forward, then recalibrating and finding where my energy wants to be - naturally sinking in to my belly as I allow it.
What's the point of noticing and naming all of this? Why does any of this matter?
Because as I write, as I notice everything in my experience, I soften, settle, and relax. My energy expands. The pressure in my head releases.
How does this relate to attunement to a partner?
If I'm holding tension, or on edge, or not present and aware in my body, then some part of the person I'm coming in to contact with is aware of that, whether they are conscious of it or not. Their body, or their energy, or their subconscious knows. And the better that I can attune to myself, to become aware of my present state and to give myself what I need, I will be better equipped to make contact with another being in a way that is clear and mutually supportive in a clean, unattached way. If I were disregulated and not aware of it, not owning it, and then offering supportive contact to someone, I may actually be receiving more benefit by touching them than they are receiving from me. I may actually be subconsciously taking. This can create an energy imbalance - an unconscious way to pull energy. The more that I as a support person am aware of my experience, and am grounded, centered, and owning my experience, the more I can offer neutral, attuned, supportive contact.
Once you know where you're at, you're ready to start attuning to another... which I'll write about another day.
If you're not clear where you're at and what's happening for you now, reach out to schedule a session. Bodywork, somatic coaching, and Biodynamic energy healing will clarify the body, mind and spirit.
On Caretaking, focus, and being "selfish"
I'm assisting a Craniosacral class this week and another assistant asked me to give her a session while the students were practicing on each other. There are plenty of other assistants to go around if the students are in need, and when experienced practitioners give and receive sessions in class, it affects the energy and awareness of the whole field.
In spite of that, part of me wanted to hold an awareness of the whole class as I was practicing - basically hold space for everyone collectively, out of a desire to be as helpful as I possibly could be. She thought that was too much to handle, and suggested that simply having focus on her and myself would be in service to the group. I agreed.
While I do have big dreams of facilitating healing in large groups, but sometimes it's of service to the greater good to focus solely on myself for some time, or just focus on myself and one other person.
It's fun to engage in group dynamics and expand my awareness out to recognize and interact with the energy of a crowd, but it's a good practice to pendulate between that and a narrow focus. Since I've spent most of my life focusing on other, tracking everything around me, and caretaking others at the expense of my own well-being and boundaries, this is a healthy practice! It's the light side of being "selfish."
We're talking about layers in class this week - these layers being connective tissue, muscle, bone, fluids, and space. We're noticing which layer wants attention, which one is the loudest, which are revealing imprints, and which one feels most comfortable to the recipient in the moment.
I often resonate most with the layer of space, which I believe is why energy healing comes easily to me. If I were to ALWAYS have my focus on the layer of space, it might be difficult to connect with some people. I would miss details of other layers. I may feel "spaced out." So I pendulate my focus to the other layers.
And so my focus pendulates between myself, other, the relationship between myself and other, and the collective. As my focal point shifts, my understanding deepens of each one and the connections between us.
What is your focal point now?
Where feels most comfortable for you to focus - on yourself, other, the whole group, you in relation to other? And what feels like a growing edge, something you'd like to work on now?
For any women who would like to focus on the aspect of self-love while in community, I'm offering a small group practice on Thursday, May 23rd, from 6:15-8:30 PM, and it's free!
We'll be working with solo, partnered and group activities to increase self-awareness, open up channels of receiving love from ourselves and others, and deepen our inner resources. Activities will include meditative practices, authentic relating, movement and touch. Open to only 7 women - please contact me to reserve a spot: (720)432-3032.
Intuitive massage therapist, energy healer and somatic coach in Boulder, Colorado, bringing you insight and inspiration on healing and conscious living.