How to touch someone with finesse, skill and attunement in a way that is unattached to outcome, listening to both your needs and theirs, following the flow of what wants to happen... It's an art.
On one level, it's super simple to touch someone - you just do it.
However, we're complex creatures.
I'll speak for myself...
I want to be attuned to, deeply heard and seen. I want the person touching me to release what they think they know and to actually listen to my body, my energy, my words, my breath, my soul AND theirs. If they are not aware of what's happening for them and they're focused solely on me, something is missing.
What is attunement?
Speak to me, make contact with me in a way that has my body, mind and energy soften and clarify in your presence. When we are attuned, my body trusts your touch the moment you come into contact with me, and where you come into contact with me is not necessarily physical touch first. Here in this moment as you're reading, you are coming in to contact with my words, my thoughts, my energy field. The energy field spans distances and time.
Attunement is finding resonance where your body and mine meet. It's finding harmony between us.
Attunement is how a mother knows exactly what her baby requires, and giving it to them in a way that they can fully receive it. Attunement is not assuming you know what someone else needs based on past experiences, but being present with the being you are with in the moment, who may be different than how they showed up 10 seconds ago.
A guitar will need different tuning in dry and humid conditions. A living human is far more complex than a guitar. They may desire completely different contact now than you gave them 2 days ago, or different than you would like to receive yourself.
HOW do we attune to our partners?
First, know yourself. Become so purely present with yourself in this moment.
As I type this now, I feel tingly in the back of my head, tension in my jaw and teeth, distrust of people who may read this (I have a story that the more strangers know about me, the more they'll take advantage of me, in a way that takes and doesn't give), awareness of sounds around me - the dryer running, neighbors upstairs - my sleepy eyes, the ticking clock, the habit of my energy coming forward, then recalibrating and finding where my energy wants to be - naturally sinking in to my belly as I allow it.
What's the point of noticing and naming all of this? Why does any of this matter?
Because as I write, as I notice everything in my experience, I soften, settle, and relax. My energy expands. The pressure in my head releases.
How does this relate to attunement to a partner?
If I'm holding tension, or on edge, or not present and aware in my body, then some part of the person I'm coming in to contact with is aware of that, whether they are conscious of it or not. Their body, or their energy, or their subconscious knows. And the better that I can attune to myself, to become aware of my present state and to give myself what I need, I will be better equipped to make contact with another being in a way that is clear and mutually supportive in a clean, unattached way. If I were disregulated and not aware of it, not owning it, and then offering supportive contact to someone, I may actually be receiving more benefit by touching them than they are receiving from me. I may actually be subconsciously taking. This can create an energy imbalance - an unconscious way to pull energy. The more that I as a support person am aware of my experience, and am grounded, centered, and owning my experience, the more I can offer neutral, attuned, supportive contact.
Once you know where you're at, you're ready to start attuning to another... which I'll write about another day.
If you're not clear where you're at and what's happening for you now, reach out to schedule a session. Bodywork, somatic coaching, and Biodynamic energy healing will clarify the body, mind and spirit.
I feel you. Literally.
Hi, I'm Erin, and I'm an empath. Sensorial psychic. Clairsentient. I'll walk past a stranger with my eyes down, not seeing or cognitively knowing anything about this person, but my body knows what's up. I instantly have a hit into what they're feeling, and they may not recognize what they're feeling (I spent years not knowing what I was feeling - I was numb... more on that another time). This was me feeling all the feels last week -->
Sometimes I'm aware that I'm taking on other people's stuff, and sometimes I recognize it much later. Sometimes I can let it go immediately, but sometimes I hold on to it for years.
Can you relate?
What will it take to let it go immediately? What will it take to release attachments to pain, trauma, suffering? To let go of carrying other people's baggage?
What will it take to be in the flow?
Repeat after me:
1. I am not responsible for other people's trauma and baggage.
2. I am at choice of what to do with the awareness that I have.
3. What feels in the flow now?
Maybe it's time to actually feel all the feels... No? Ok, go for a walk. Cut your hair. Dance...
What feels true to you right now?
Feel. Your. Ground.
How do you access your ground? Well, for one thing, you're already in a body, gravitationally pulled to Earth, so in a way you're already grounded. The key is acknowledging that and FEELING it. Feeling present, aware and settled in your body in this moment. So what may support you in accessing that? Look around you. Notice what lights you up. Right now as I write, the birds sound lovely to me. So I feel my body as I listen to their song...
... and more space opens up ... What is heavy or not true to me lifts away.
We all have shared and individual ways to access our sense of ground. I'm happy to share some methods that I find supportive. For now in this moment, what do YOU know about grounding?
Find your truth. Find your ground.
And this is me after a couple days of stewing in my shit, allowing the support of friends, receiving some energy healing, and opening up to the beauty of spring on Beltane. Feels a bit lighter!
Intuitive massage therapist, energy healer and somatic coach in Boulder, Colorado, bringing you insight and inspiration on healing and conscious living.