How to touch someone with finesse, skill and attunement in a way that is unattached to outcome, listening to both your needs and theirs, following the flow of what wants to happen... It's an art.
On one level, it's super simple to touch someone - you just do it.
However, we're complex creatures.
I'll speak for myself...
I want to be attuned to, deeply heard and seen. I want the person touching me to release what they think they know and to actually listen to my body, my energy, my words, my breath, my soul AND theirs. If they are not aware of what's happening for them and they're focused solely on me, something is missing.
What is attunement?
Speak to me, make contact with me in a way that has my body, mind and energy soften and clarify in your presence. When we are attuned, my body trusts your touch the moment you come into contact with me, and where you come into contact with me is not necessarily physical touch first. Here in this moment as you're reading, you are coming in to contact with my words, my thoughts, my energy field. The energy field spans distances and time.
Attunement is finding resonance where your body and mine meet. It's finding harmony between us.
Attunement is how a mother knows exactly what her baby requires, and giving it to them in a way that they can fully receive it. Attunement is not assuming you know what someone else needs based on past experiences, but being present with the being you are with in the moment, who may be different than how they showed up 10 seconds ago.
A guitar will need different tuning in dry and humid conditions. A living human is far more complex than a guitar. They may desire completely different contact now than you gave them 2 days ago, or different than you would like to receive yourself.
HOW do we attune to our partners?
First, know yourself. Become so purely present with yourself in this moment.
As I type this now, I feel tingly in the back of my head, tension in my jaw and teeth, distrust of people who may read this (I have a story that the more strangers know about me, the more they'll take advantage of me, in a way that takes and doesn't give), awareness of sounds around me - the dryer running, neighbors upstairs - my sleepy eyes, the ticking clock, the habit of my energy coming forward, then recalibrating and finding where my energy wants to be - naturally sinking in to my belly as I allow it.
What's the point of noticing and naming all of this? Why does any of this matter?
Because as I write, as I notice everything in my experience, I soften, settle, and relax. My energy expands. The pressure in my head releases.
How does this relate to attunement to a partner?
If I'm holding tension, or on edge, or not present and aware in my body, then some part of the person I'm coming in to contact with is aware of that, whether they are conscious of it or not. Their body, or their energy, or their subconscious knows. And the better that I can attune to myself, to become aware of my present state and to give myself what I need, I will be better equipped to make contact with another being in a way that is clear and mutually supportive in a clean, unattached way. If I were disregulated and not aware of it, not owning it, and then offering supportive contact to someone, I may actually be receiving more benefit by touching them than they are receiving from me. I may actually be subconsciously taking. This can create an energy imbalance - an unconscious way to pull energy. The more that I as a support person am aware of my experience, and am grounded, centered, and owning my experience, the more I can offer neutral, attuned, supportive contact.
Once you know where you're at, you're ready to start attuning to another... which I'll write about another day.
If you're not clear where you're at and what's happening for you now, reach out to schedule a session. Bodywork, somatic coaching, and Biodynamic energy healing will clarify the body, mind and spirit.
What is your essence?
If you sense in to this, releasing what you think it is, releasing judgements and projections, what do you notice? Do you see, feel, perceive, hear, smell anything?
I've recently started sensing in to this for myself and others, and what I'm perceiving is becoming clearer. I see colors, size, sensations in my body. It can be difficult to describe, so I invite you to close your eyes and ask the question yourself - what's your essence? Then check in to see if you notice anything different in the essence of your best friend, of the stranger across the street, or an animal you see. Again, release any preconceived notions, judgements and projections. What do you notice in your body, or your minds eye, or any other way that you uniquely perceive?
What is the energy you're portraying?
Do you notice something different?
I asked these questions in my mind the other day when I was afraid of an interaction I had. I was afraid I overshared. I felt lightly triggered and I wanted to check in to get an energetic / psychic / intuitive read of the person I had been talking with. I got a sense of their essence and the energy they were portraying, and I did the same for myself. Both were different.
So I asked myself, what will it take for the energy I'm portraying to align with my essence?
And thanks to my background in Access Consciousness, I didn't try to respond right away. I didn't allow my mind to take over and figure out an answer.
The next day I did my morning ritual of running and dancing in the park. The inquiry came to mind again, so I checked in with my essence and the energy I was portraying. They were more aligned! They felt closer to each other. I saw / felt / experienced an energetic signature in the energy I was portraying that was more similar to my essence. Victory! My housemate lovingly calls me "weird" for dancing in the park, and I'm ok with that. In my experience, more alignment with my essence = more joy, ease in my body, flow throughout my day, and authentic expression. Yes please, and more!
So I invite you to hold this as an inquiry:
What will it take to align with your essence?
Then settle in to your body, go on with your day, and notice what arises. I'd be curious to hear your findings. And let me know if you'd like support tapping in to your essence.
Have you ever smelled irises? Roses are a hit, they're all the rage, but irises . . . holy moly . . . They're incredible.
What I tried to capture in these photos was a mere fraction of the beauty they contain.
They're iridescent and glowing, with soft tufts in the middle, like a fuzzy tongue. And each color has a different scent! So exquisite. I won't spoil the surprise for you... just go on a treasure hunt to see how many different varieties you can find and smell. The Mapleton Hill area of Boulder and the Denver Botanic Gardens are a couple good places to find some.
Plants have something to contribute to us, more than just a glance from a distance.
What can you receive from plants today? What joy, delight, sensory pleasure can you receive from the natural world around you? I'd be happy to hear your discoveries. Let these be a resource to you - take a moment just to feel your whole body as you appreciate something in nature. It could be the song of birds, the rustling of trees, the bright, sparkly petals of irises, the scent of any number of flowers or other plants, the feeling of a cool creek on your feet. What feels resourcing to you today? What elements in the natural world want to support you today?
Intuitive energy healer, massage therapist and somatic coach in Asheville, NC, bringing you insight and inspiration on healing and conscious living. Formerly in Boulder, CO.