What am I doing?!!!

I started something new, initiated myself into a 156-day project. Whoa. That's quite a commitment.

So I was at the bookstore with a good friend yesterday, browsing Tarot and Oracle cards, and she asked if I ever considered making my own, as she's familiar with my art.

Yes, yes I have.

And I have felt stifled by the prospect of such a big task - wanting to "get it right." I'm fairly new to the exploration of Tarot. But another book I picked up inspired me to start my own exploration in depth. It was a beginners guide to tarot that included spaces to draw your own Tarot images based on the description of each card.

After years of using other people's guidance to  learn about various modalities, about myself and the universe, I've decided to give myself my own "homework assignment." With a desire to CREATE my work, to understand myself more deeply, and to share with the world what I know, here's my project:

Create one painting for every Tarot card, at least every other day, completing by December 25, 2019.

Technically it would be December 26 from the day I started; however, I like the possibility of ending at the start of the holy nights (thank you, Sweigh Spilkin for your influence there - I gained a newfound appreciation of the 13 Holy Nights after your guided meditation practice).

This is a big task, at least it sounds like it in my mind. Commitment. Daily practice. Learning something new, for a set time period. Parts of this are very masculine - direct, focused, set framework. My teachers have been suggesting that I need a masculine presence to help balance my yin essence. Yin is all-encompassing, includes everything, flowing, spacious.  Yang is direct, focused, stable, structured. I want to allow my yin to play and enjoy herself, and give her some framework to stay balanced, on-track and clear.

• I intend that I gain a deep, clear understanding of the Tarot from multiple angles, getting to know my decks and developing my own imagery.
• I intend that I learn this established modality, while adding my creativity, experience and knowing to the mix.
• I intend that I have fun and enjoy the process.
• I intend to deepen my understanding of myself and the universe through this process.
• I intend that I open up to connecting with like-minded people who care about personal growth, interconnectedness and creative processes.
• I intend that I teach people what I know.
• I intend that I share my process with the world.
• I intend that this serves the highest good.
  

Each day will be a mini journey, an opportunity to see what's happening in my world. Let's take a look at what day #1 has brought up, my relationship to beginnings.

The Unknown . New Possibilities . Beginnings . Innocence . Unfolding

Yay! I'm starting something new! I committed to something! Look at the line-up of dates - this is gonna be great! Look at the potential, the possibilities this could bring.
...
Did I make the right choice? Is this the best use of my time & creativity? What will other people think? This seems like a big commitment...
...
In my work with John and Anna Chitty at the Colorado School of Energy Studies, I've learned about the process of beginnings, middles and endings. They say that our relationship to these aspects of life is dependent on our earliest imprint - from conception to birth. How we deal with beginnings is reflective of the moment we were conceived, how our mother was when we were in utero, and how the beginning of our birth was - if the start of our birth was delayed or complicated, we may have difficulty with beginnings.

I wonder what my mother was thinking when she first conceived of me... Was she questioning her choices, wondering what other people think of her? Sensing in to my birth, and thinking of what I've been told about it, it was both easeful and scary. I was ready to come in to this world, but also not completely trusting of the experience.

An excerpt from The Wild Wood Tarot (0 is "The Wanderer"):

At this moment the burdens of the past are set aside - either for the Wanderer to pick up and take along, or to leave behind if the weigh is too great. The Wheel of the Year is beginning its great cycle, bringing a new range of possibilities and challenges. The Wanderer is ready to make the leap into the unknown - all that is required is faith.

From White Witch Tarot (I just realized both of my tarot decks are WWT... I wonder what the significance of that is?):

Certainty comes quietly
From acceptance
Of its own impossibility

It seems to me that my drawings always start with the unknown - I usually don't have an idea of what they're going to look like. In this case, I started with sensing in to the energy of the Fool, and following the crayons and paintbrush from there. It's a practice in surrender. These images and this process may not make sense to a lot of people (sometimes it doesn't make sense to me!), but I want to allow the process to unfold, to have faith in the unknown. I feel grateful for those who do appreciate and see value in my work. And at the very least, it's fun and interesting to me.

Final note: Reversed (upside down), this Tarot card represents recklessness, which I noticed as I was completing the painting on the first night - I started to check my phone, considering replying to a call, before I had finished cleaning up the space, and I knocked over a glass of a chlorophyll-enhanced water, nearly staining the carpet green. It felt clear that this process requires more respect and intentionality, that it's best to maintain a clear container as I'm working and finish cleaning up the space before moving on to the next thing.

Thank you for reading this far! Thank you for joining me on this journey. And if you have any reflections on what this brings up for you, thank you in advance for sharing.

What is your essence?

If you sense in to this, releasing what you think it is, releasing judgements and projections, what do you notice? Do you see, feel, perceive, hear, smell anything?

I've recently started sensing in to this for myself and others, and what I'm perceiving is becoming clearer. I see colors, size, sensations in my body. It can be difficult to describe, so I invite you to close your eyes and ask the question yourself - what's your essence? Then check in to see if you notice anything different in the essence of your best friend, of the stranger across the street, or an animal you see. Again, release any preconceived notions, judgements and projections. What do you notice in your body, or your minds eye, or any other way that you uniquely perceive?

Now,
What is the energy you're portraying?

Do you notice something different?

I asked these questions in my mind the other day when I was afraid of an interaction I had. I was afraid I overshared. I felt lightly triggered and I wanted to check in to get an energetic / psychic / intuitive read of the person I had been talking with. I got a sense of their essence and the energy they were portraying, and I did the same for myself. Both were different.

So I asked myself, what will it take for the energy I'm portraying to align with my essence?

And thanks to my background in Access Consciousness, I didn't try to respond right away. I didn't allow my mind to take over and figure out an answer.

The next day I did my morning ritual of running and dancing in the park. The inquiry came to mind again, so I checked in with my essence and the energy I was portraying. They were more aligned! They felt closer to each other. I saw / felt / experienced an energetic signature in the energy I was portraying that was more similar to my essence. Victory! My housemate lovingly calls me "weird" for dancing in the park, and I'm ok with that. In my experience, more alignment with my essence = more joy, ease in my body, flow throughout my day, and authentic expression. Yes please, and more!

So I invite you to hold this as an inquiry:
What will it take to align with your essence?
Then settle in to your body, go on with your day, and notice what arises. I'd be curious to hear your findings. And let me know if you'd like support tapping in to your essence.

720-432-3032

There is a time for yielding, surrendering, and there is a time for pushing.
 Which one it is may change
  Moment to moment
AND it is not all up to you to decide and control.

What wants to happen right now? Can you yield to that? How deeply can you listen, find attunement to the rhythm of your body, connected to your soul, connected to the soul of the Universe: co-creating, dancing, listening, pushing, yielding, listening to the natural flow of life....

Do you desire that?
Do you wish to delve deeper in to the magic of you?

You are not doing the pushing and yielding alone. When mothers give birth, the mother and baby are co-creating the process. A contraction happens. The baby instinctively pushes against the uterus, the mother feels this, and works with baby, surrendering to it's push, riding the ocean tide.

You are not doing the push and yield alone!
Other forces, people, creatures are available to support you and are already working with you, whether or not you're aware of it. The more you realize this and acknowledge it, the easier it will be.

May 1st.
Welcome, Spring.
Welcome, new life.

What wants to be birthed through you today? What can you yield to in this moment to access your desires?

    are Sacred.   are Safe.    are Real.    are Medicine.

Here, you are welcome to drop your walls.  to cry.   to release.   to surrender to the flow.
    you are welcome to be messy.
          incomplete
          whole
               both, at the same time
real.    Human.    Divine.

     Be you.
Do you dare?

Are you willing to find out who you truly are? Are you willing to expand your capacity to be with what is under the surface? It may be numb, angry, rageful, grieving, happy, ticklish, ecstatic, pleasurable (gasp!), or young and tender, or big and LOUD!

Who are you, under the everyday habits, the armored tissue, the make-up and put-togetherness that you wear to make it through the chaos.

Who is the one who is reading this now?

Who is the one in the center of your being who is eternally still, spacious, full of infinite potential and perfect in alignment?

Can you find a way to dance with that one inside you?
Can you feel that one who is in contact with the whole universe?

Is now the time to find your center?
Is now the time to acknowledge your wholeness?

     You are radically invited....

Call for a free consultation: (720)432-3032
Or click here to schedule if you're ready to step in to your power.

Notice now what you feel in your body.
"Hello, love." Say hello to your body.

The world would like to contribute to you. Where can you open to receive?

Imagine the earth below. "Hello, love."
What do you notice?

Today this was my meditation: I said "hello" energetically to different beings, people, experiences, parts of nature, aspects of my life, using the simple phrase, "hello, love" as I brought them to mind. Each time I said hello, I experienced a different sensation or awareness in my body:

• warmth in the heart
• vertical lengthening of the torso
• backward movement from the spine
• horizontal expansion at the chest
• alertness in the head
• spreading of the seat
• stillness

Everything, every place, everyone you can imagine has something available to you - something you can receive, some energy you can experience in your body and mind, if you are open to it.

It may be an energy you want to cultivate, such as stillness, a sense of grounding, or warmth in the heart. It may simply be information - you can receive an awareness of how something or someone is showing up right now. It's ok to receive something and let it go. It's ok to receive some energy or awareness and ask, "how can I create more of this feeling in my life?" It's ok to receive the answer to this question over time, in the process of life.

What are you open to receive today? Can you receive from yourself? Say to yourself, "hello, love," and notice what happens.

This is a practice of surrendering, allowing, listening, and receiving. It may be helpful to listen to a guided meditation to relax the mind and body before sensing in to the energetic qualities of the world. It may be helpful to first move the body, vocalize, sing, etc - anything to loosen up tension in your body or mind, and to drop in to a receptive, relaxed, resourced state to begin with. What helps you feel grounded, centered, present and aware?

Hello, love. The world would like to contribute to you. What would you like to receive today?

In craniosacral therapy, the sacrum is a bone traditionally contacted. It's located at the base of the spine, back of the pelvis, and it's part of the structure that's affected if you have SI joint dysfuction, which relates to low back pain. Why am I introducing you to the sacrum?

Are you actually hungry for more food? Or connection? Chocolate cake, or comfort? Ice cream, or safety?

Let's talk about embodiment.

What is embodiment good for anyway? The ability to notice the intimate details of your body is HIGHLY VALUABLE. When I say intimate, I don't mean your private parts. I'm talking about the innermost details, the feelings beneath the feelings. You have a belly-ache? It's more than just what you ate yesterday, or this morning. What is the IBS or other abdominal distress trying to tell you. Are you willing to listen? Are you willing to open up your view, ask your body some questions, seek assistance when you feel stuck?

The value of embodiment, of working with the various sensations, feelings, emotions and memories in the body, is FREEDOM.

The key to freedom is embodiment.

And here's one slice of the embodiment pie to consider today:
What am I hungry for?
What is my soul longing for?

Right now, my body is hungry for connection. Connection to my spirit, to my higher knowing, with clear dialogue and guidance. And for enlivening and nourishing connections to the world around me.

What would it take to access that which we really want? What walls have to come down to tap into our true delight? Are you ready to open to support to guide you in finding and following that which lights you up?