What am I doing?!!!
I started something new, initiated myself into a 156-day project. Whoa. That's quite a commitment.
So I was at the bookstore with a good friend yesterday, browsing Tarot and Oracle cards, and she asked if I ever considered making my own, as she's familiar with my art.
Yes, yes I have.
And I have felt stifled by the prospect of such a big task - wanting to "get it right." I'm fairly new to the exploration of Tarot. But another book I picked up inspired me to start my own exploration in depth. It was a beginners guide to tarot that included spaces to draw your own Tarot images based on the description of each card.
After years of using other people's guidance to learn about various modalities, about myself and the universe, I've decided to give myself my own "homework assignment." With a desire to CREATE my work, to understand myself more deeply, and to share with the world what I know, here's my project:
Create one painting for every Tarot card, at least every other day, completing by December 25, 2019.
Technically it would be December 26 from the day I started; however, I like the possibility of ending at the start of the holy nights (thank you, Sweigh Spilkin for your influence there - I gained a newfound appreciation of the 13 Holy Nights after your guided meditation practice).
This is a big task, at least it sounds like it in my mind. Commitment. Daily practice. Learning something new, for a set time period. Parts of this are very masculine - direct, focused, set framework. My teachers have been suggesting that I need a masculine presence to help balance my yin essence. Yin is all-encompassing, includes everything, flowing, spacious. Yang is direct, focused, stable, structured. I want to allow my yin to play and enjoy herself, and give her some framework to stay balanced, on-track and clear.
Each day will be a mini journey, an opportunity to see what's happening in my world. Let's take a look at what day #1 has brought up, my relationship to beginnings.
0: The Fool: New Beginnings
The Unknown . New Possibilities . Beginnings . Innocence . Unfolding
Yay! I'm starting something new! I committed to something! Look at the line-up of dates - this is gonna be great! Look at the potential, the possibilities this could bring.
Did I make the right choice? Is this the best use of my time & creativity? What will other people think? This seems like a big commitment...
In my work with John and Anna Chitty at the Colorado School of Energy Studies, I've learned about the process of beginnings, middles and endings. They say that our relationship to these aspects of life is dependent on our earliest imprint - from conception to birth. How we deal with beginnings is reflective of the moment we were conceived, how our mother was when we were in utero, and how the beginning of our birth was - if the start of our birth was delayed or complicated, we may have difficulty with beginnings.
I wonder what my mother was thinking when she first conceived of me... Was she questioning her choices, wondering what other people think of her? Sensing in to my birth, and thinking of what I've been told about it, it was both easeful and scary. I was ready to come in to this world, but also not completely trusting of the experience.
An excerpt from The Wild Wood Tarot (0 is "The Wanderer"):
At this moment the burdens of the past are set aside - either for the Wanderer to pick up and take along, or to leave behind if the weigh is too great. The Wheel of the Year is beginning its great cycle, bringing a new range of possibilities and challenges. The Wanderer is ready to make the leap into the unknown - all that is required is faith.
From White Witch Tarot (I just realized both of my tarot decks are WWT... I wonder what the significance of that is?):
Certainty comes quietly
Of its own impossibility
It seems to me that my drawings always start with the unknown - I usually don't have an idea of what they're going to look like. In this case, I started with sensing in to the energy of the Fool, and following the crayons and paintbrush from there. It's a practice in surrender. These images and this process may not make sense to a lot of people (sometimes it doesn't make sense to me!), but I want to allow the process to unfold, to have faith in the unknown. I feel grateful for those who do appreciate and see value in my work. And at the very least, it's fun and interesting to me.
Final note: Reversed (upside down), this Tarot card represents recklessness, which I noticed as I was completing the painting on the first night - I started to check my phone, considering replying to a call, before I had finished cleaning up the space, and I knocked over a glass of a chlorophyll-enhanced water, nearly staining the carpet green. It felt clear that this process requires more respect and intentionality, that it's best to maintain a clear container as I'm working and finish cleaning up the space before moving on to the next thing.
Thank you for reading this far! Thank you for joining me on this journey. And if you have any reflections on what this brings up for you, thank you in advance for sharing.
What is your essence?
If you sense in to this, releasing what you think it is, releasing judgements and projections, what do you notice? Do you see, feel, perceive, hear, smell anything?
I've recently started sensing in to this for myself and others, and what I'm perceiving is becoming clearer. I see colors, size, sensations in my body. It can be difficult to describe, so I invite you to close your eyes and ask the question yourself - what's your essence? Then check in to see if you notice anything different in the essence of your best friend, of the stranger across the street, or an animal you see. Again, release any preconceived notions, judgements and projections. What do you notice in your body, or your minds eye, or any other way that you uniquely perceive?
What is the energy you're portraying?
Do you notice something different?
I asked these questions in my mind the other day when I was afraid of an interaction I had. I was afraid I overshared. I felt lightly triggered and I wanted to check in to get an energetic / psychic / intuitive read of the person I had been talking with. I got a sense of their essence and the energy they were portraying, and I did the same for myself. Both were different.
So I asked myself, what will it take for the energy I'm portraying to align with my essence?
And thanks to my background in Access Consciousness, I didn't try to respond right away. I didn't allow my mind to take over and figure out an answer.
The next day I did my morning ritual of running and dancing in the park. The inquiry came to mind again, so I checked in with my essence and the energy I was portraying. They were more aligned! They felt closer to each other. I saw / felt / experienced an energetic signature in the energy I was portraying that was more similar to my essence. Victory! My housemate lovingly calls me "weird" for dancing in the park, and I'm ok with that. In my experience, more alignment with my essence = more joy, ease in my body, flow throughout my day, and authentic expression. Yes please, and more!
So I invite you to hold this as an inquiry:
What will it take to align with your essence?
Then settle in to your body, go on with your day, and notice what arises. I'd be curious to hear your findings. And let me know if you'd like support tapping in to your essence.
Have you ever smelled irises? Roses are a hit, they're all the rage, but irises . . . holy moly . . . They're incredible.
What I tried to capture in these photos was a mere fraction of the beauty they contain.
They're iridescent and glowing, with soft tufts in the middle, like a fuzzy tongue. And each color has a different scent! So exquisite. I won't spoil the surprise for you... just go on a treasure hunt to see how many different varieties you can find and smell. The Mapleton Hill area of Boulder and the Denver Botanic Gardens are a couple good places to find some.
Plants have something to contribute to us, more than just a glance from a distance.
What can you receive from plants today? What joy, delight, sensory pleasure can you receive from the natural world around you? I'd be happy to hear your discoveries. Let these be a resource to you - take a moment just to feel your whole body as you appreciate something in nature. It could be the song of birds, the rustling of trees, the bright, sparkly petals of irises, the scent of any number of flowers or other plants, the feeling of a cool creek on your feet. What feels resourcing to you today? What elements in the natural world want to support you today?
Intuitive massage therapist, energy healer and somatic coach in Boulder, Colorado, bringing you insight and inspiration on healing and conscious living.